Friday, February 3, 2012

Thoughts on the Wait

I came across this article  and for some reason, it spoke to me.  Especially the part about burying hope and anticipation and somehow making it through the wait.  The author in this article waited four and half years to become a mother.  Can you imagine?  

I remember when we first started this process.  We took a class - one of the classes we all have to take - and there were several other couples in the classes, but two I remember.  One was a couple who at the time had waited 24 months for a referral from Ethiopia.  The woman had no idea when she could expect a referral and she was in tears describing how hard it was to not know anything.  The other was a couple who had been waiting four years to adopt from China.  They seem shell shocked, resigned to waiting another year or two.  I remember feeling fortunate that our agency had projected only a 12 month wait.  I remember thinking, these poor people, I hope I never have to experience that.

And now........Everything has changed.  The Ethiopian program is entirely different.  I have absolutely no clue when we will receive a referral.  Our agency projects a wait of 18-24 months or longer.  We are approaching month 15.  I know we won't receive a referral in the next 3 months.  I'm doubtful we will receive one in the next 9 months.  I think we are going to fall into that "or longer" catch all category, which is probably the most accurate statement about the projected wait that our agency has made.  Because they cannot, with any degree of accuracy, tell you how long they expect your wait to be.   

So what is the plan?  To wait, of course.  I've never given up on anything that I've ever really really wanted (except George Clo*oney and only because his girlfriends get younger and younger and I am so not 28. Or single.)   I'll wait.  It will hurt.  I will cringe every time someone asks me if I am still doing that adoption thing. I will have doubts.  I will cry, I will curse, I will threaten to walk away.  But I won't.  I can't.  Inside of me, buried deep, is hope it will all work out.


  1. You sound just like me! :-) I will most likely always be right there waiting with you. ACK! That almost sounded like a cheesy Richard Marx song!

  2. Funny. I just wrote a blog entry about waiting, but my post was a lot more negative than yours, and now I'm thinking of deleting it and adopting your attitude!! haha! I will be waiting there with you, too :)

  3. It's one of those things - it's not pleasant, but you have to do it. You have to wait. One thing that I did that was somewhat helpful is that I didn't obsess too much about how much longer the wait would be until I knew we were close. Our agency shares how long the people who just received referrals had waited, and when our wait and that number started to get close, then I knew we were getting closer. Now, of course, we're like 5 months into that mode and it doesn't seem so great anymore. :) But it worked for a long time.

  4. I love that article, btw. So interesting and insightful, and honest. The hard thing about the wait, IMO, is that it seems like it's a constact re-adjust--when you started the program, the wait was not nearly as long as now, and that's just asking a lot, to be constantly changing your timeline. It stinks, to be sure. Thinking of you a lot.