Wednesday, January 18, 2012


So much has happened since last I shared
*Our homestudy agency is closing.  Guess the news that they were going to charge waiting families a monthly fee did not go over too well.  What that means for us is we have to start over at a new agency.  And our home study is due for an update.  The good news is our new agency will not charge us to do a whole new home study.  The bad news is that instead of merely updating forms, we have to fill out everything as if we were a new family.  But we are saving money which was really great on their part so the massive amount of paperwork is something we will just have to work through.
*Sent in our request to update our fingerprints.  And today marks 14 months of waiting.  NEVER EVER did I think we would still be waiting.  And waiting at #'s 25 for a Boy and 35 for a Girl.  I haven't posted our new waitlist numbers.  One month we moved back, and then there was a long stretch of no movement.  I'm not sure what to think.  The optimist in me wants so hard to believe we can move 25 spots in one year.  But the pessimist in me secretly believes that our time will never come.
*I am trying to keep myself distracted.  We are refinancing our house at a really great rate and using some of our equity to remodel a few things. So in addition to the adoption paperwork, I have refinancing paperwork and trying to keep the two straight is maddening.  I can feel the gray hairs growing.  But it is fun to plan new projects, to pick out new paint and tile and vanities. 
*We are planning another vacation.  I looked at the list, checked it twice, and unless a miracle occurs, I figured there is no way we would be traveling much less receive a referral by early summer. So we are going to Peru! We figured we needed to make the trip before we are too old to hike Machu Picchu.
*And on the topic of age.....I constantly wonder what if our time is passing.  What if our window for becoming parents is closing.  Then what?  How do you know when it is time to let go?  Maybe some women are not destined to be mothers.  Maybe I was destined to be a really great aunt. 
I'm wrestling with a lot of feelings lately.  I know I've been a bad blogger and I know I haven't commented or been very supportive to those of you that are also on this journey.  I apologize.  I'm just working through a difficult time.
Fortunately, I have a great support system.