So much has happened since last I shared
*Our homestudy agency is closing. Guess the news that they were going to charge waiting families a monthly fee did not go over too well. What that means for us is we have to start over at a new agency. And our home study is due for an update. The good news is our new agency will not charge us to do a whole new home study. The bad news is that instead of merely updating forms, we have to fill out everything as if we were a new family. But we are saving money which was really great on their part so the massive amount of paperwork is something we will just have to work through.
*Sent in our request to update our fingerprints. And today marks 14 months of waiting. NEVER EVER did I think we would still be waiting. And waiting at #'s 25 for a Boy and 35 for a Girl. I haven't posted our new waitlist numbers. One month we moved back, and then there was a long stretch of no movement. I'm not sure what to think. The optimist in me wants so hard to believe we can move 25 spots in one year. But the pessimist in me secretly believes that our time will never come.
*I am trying to keep myself distracted. We are refinancing our house at a really great rate and using some of our equity to remodel a few things. So in addition to the adoption paperwork, I have refinancing paperwork and trying to keep the two straight is maddening. I can feel the gray hairs growing. But it is fun to plan new projects, to pick out new paint and tile and vanities.
*We are planning another vacation. I looked at the list, checked it twice, and unless a miracle occurs, I figured there is no way we would be traveling much less receive a referral by early summer. So we are going to Peru! We figured we needed to make the trip before we are too old to hike Machu Picchu.
*And on the topic of age.....I constantly wonder what if our time is passing. What if our window for becoming parents is closing. Then what? How do you know when it is time to let go? Maybe some women are not destined to be mothers. Maybe I was destined to be a really great aunt.
I'm wrestling with a lot of feelings lately. I know I've been a bad blogger and I know I haven't commented or been very supportive to those of you that are also on this journey. I apologize. I'm just working through a difficult time.
Fortunately, I have a great support system.
I don't know you personally, but I follow your blog as you post:) First, can I just say that I don't know how old you are, but guessing by your photos you are so NOT too old to be a mom!:) I do so understand your frustration, though. We have been on the wait list for seven months and are #80 for a girl, #61 for a boy, and #25 for siblings. When we started this journey, we thought and were told we would have a referral by now. It is so, so hard. Even though we have two bio children, we so want to complete our family. I wish you the best. Blessings to you with your paperwork, travels, and home remodel.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with the commenter above, that you are NOT too old to be a parent, although I have also had those thoughts in the recent past as well. Sometimes it is just too much. The process is just ridiculously difficult. I'm not surprised about the homestudy agency, and am glad you are with someone new, although that paperwork is such a pain--along with refi paperwork! Do you have to re-do your home visit? And the hits just keep on coming, huh? Good luck with the refi and post pics of your remodel if you are so inclined--I love stuff like that. Thinking of you often. Your dog is adorable (our dog growing up looked like that) and looks like he/she is comforting you--very cute.
ReplyDeleteI don't have to tell you this because you already know...but I totally relate. Hang in there...isn't that what you always tell me? :-)
ReplyDeleteI hear you on the "are we getting too old?" thing. Heck, I was 29 when we started this... and now I'm, umm, not so 29 anymore. Your trip to Peru sounds fantastic! I think it's important during this unknown waiting time to get out and explore if you can. That's why we went to Paris this fall - we needed to do something fun and special aside from obsessing over our adoption. And while I'm glad you have great support at home, and nobody - NOBODY - can compare to a four-legged support system, remember that you have support out in the blogosphere as well. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteSo thinking of you as you wait for your boy/girl.
ReplyDeleteI have a pretty good idea that you're no where NEAR as old as I am. Hang in there. I can tell you that the kids from Ethiopia are AMAZING and totally worth it. I know how hard it is - our journey was different, we didn't have as long a wait in Ethiopia, but were in Nepal for 18 months, and it was shut down the month we expected our referral. I guess my point is that the wait will be so worth it. Keep traveling for sure while you can - because everything changes once you get that little person home!
ReplyDeleteI'll be 42 this year.......
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