There are days that I feel like this whole process is crappy. And today is one of them. Such a rush of emotions as I sit here wondering how much longer is this going to take. And the other question pops up quite a bit too. What if it doesn’t happen?
Our agency has come to almost a complete standstill with referrals. And although our official numbers are in the high 20’s, that doesn’t give me any confidence that we will have a referral in the next year. And it appears our agency has increased average wait times to 24 months. So while that does put us on track for receiving a referral next year (2 year date in November), the pessimist in me whispers that those anticipated wait times are on the low side of the actual wait.
Oh another question comes to mind. How much longer can I go on?
The investment in this process – not just the money, but the emotions, has been overwhelming at times. All I want is one child. One chance to be a mother. Is that so much to ask for?
What precipitated this pity party? Got a lovely letter yesterday from our local home study agency. They have decided to impose a monthly administrative fee of $125 on waiting families. This charge will continue until you are home with your child. If you don’t pay, they will close your file and/or discontinue working with you. Is it just me or is that a bit coercive? Either you pay or you have to start over with another local agency. And there is nothing about them refunding costs we have already paid to cover post placement reports and validation/finalization of the adoption.
It stinks. And of course it got me to thinking, how much longer. A year for a referral? 4-6 months to bring our child home? Do you realize how much money that comes out to? I’d rather spend that money on donations for our child’s orphanage than to give it to an agency that apparently operated on the assumption that all adoptions would be complete (yes court and all) within 12 months (that’s what they say in the letter).
What planet have they been on? Seriously – wait times for Chinese adoption have been years for as long as I can remember. When we signed on with them – oh and I might as well name them such is my fury at Adoption Alliance in Colorado- when we signed on they did everything they could to encourage us NOT to sign with AGCI and to sign with another placement agency. Why is that significant? Because at the time their recommended agency had a two year wait. So their justification for this “administrative” fee (adoptions are taking too long to complete we could not have anticipated this) is just an excuse. That is a lot of money for families to pay each month for “administrative” costs.
But they were ever so gracious to include a contractual addendum along with their letter. Sign and return they say agreeing to pay this new fee or else we will close your case. Why would I sign this? I know enough about contract law to recognize when something isn’t right.
Oh and I didn’t mention the perfect timing of this letter. We have to begin updating our home study next month. So we need to make some decisions. Don’t pay and risk our file being closed. Will that hurt us when we receive a referral and need to have our social worker sign it? File a complaint with some entity. Go to another agency to complete our home study update and ask that Adoption Alliance refund what we have paid them to prepare our post placement reports and validate/finalize the adoption. Or ….?? Any suggestions.
I didn't know I could be so enraged by something that hasn't happened to me personally--although I am because I am so, So, so sick of feeling preyed upon because I just want to have a child and this is another example of that. I mean, really, wtf???? They are leaving you with really crappy options since you are far in to the process. I promise to leave a lucid comment when I've calmed down but until then I'll say this is complete BS and thoughtless and cruel. The whole referral sitch is bad enough but this is just shocking. I don't know how you are holding up but if you ever want to talk I'm at corynmollyadoption at gmail. This blows.
ReplyDeleteWow, Theresa. This is horrible, horrible news. I'm learning from your post that our agency has lengthened the waiting time to 24 months. I have noticed that referrals have slowed down. I don't know why. Nobody at our agency talks to us because we are so far down the line on the wait list. And about your home study agency???? That is infuriating! What a racket!!!!! I really am starting to believe that adoption agencies are preying on emotionally vulnerable potential adoptive parents, and frankly, it's disgusting to me. My husband and I have thought more than once about walking away from the whole entire thing and just cutting our losses. I hope you come to the right decision, and know that I'm praying for you.
ReplyDeleteXOXO
Erin
OK, I'm commenting again. First, I would be more than happy to do a linky to my blog as a cautionary tale to others who are in the process of choosing an agency--let me know.
ReplyDeleteOverall, though, I'm just so upset that these people are hitting you when you are down. Why the extra money--do they need to feed and walk your file on a regular basis? I mean, nothing is happening, so what kind of administrative costs are there? I don't really have any suggestions that I'm sure you have not already thought of. It is the most awful situation--I mean, leaving your agency would mean starting over on a new list, right? How ridiculous is that? We are most likely moving out of the Ethiopia program, to be honest. Any chance of a different program through your agency? It's all just so, so hard and unpredictable. But we are also much newer to the process than you, I really don't know what we would do in your shoes. Helpful, huh? I just wish there was an answer--and no, wanting to be a mother is not too much to ask. I just wish it wasn't so freaking hard.
Okay, that is totally ridiculous! Unbelievable. What is it that they even need to be doing for you? They wrote your home study, right? That's the product of their work. You should have that, and so should your placement agency. You should also have every right to access a copy of that whenever you need it (like for a dossier or whatever). You may need an update in the future, but it wouldn't have to be with them, I don't think. And if you do need/want to use them, it should have nothing to do with whether your case is "open" or not. I would really push them on this. It is offensive and it is hurtful to people who are having to continually lengthen their expected time on something as important as adopting a child, and really, I don't see how it's in any way relevant. I mean, it's not like they're doing anything! Talk about kicking someone when they're down. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteUnbelieveable. Email me. I have someone you should talk to before you make any moves - nwho is very high up in the int'l adoption world. Amcstone at gmail.
ReplyDeleteI have come to your blog though a convoluted process, but mainly because we have worked with Adoption Alliance. I am OUTRAGED at this fee they are requiring and will be writing them a letter stating that. If you'd like a copy of the letter I will be sending, just email me at lkalinauskas at hotmail.
ReplyDeleteHey, Theresa. So I would really like to join the facebook AGCI group, if you would let me know how to find it! I feel like I'm in the dark and would be interested to follow other families to stay informed. Thank you for telling me about it!
ReplyDeleteyou can pm me at erin.robinson16@gmail.com
Thanks,
Erin