We visited friends from out of state this weekend. A couple and the beautiful newborn baby girl they adopted. Just one month ago they got a call and were told they were chosen by the birth mother and to fly out that evening to pick up the baby.
I would be lying if I didn't say I was envious. I would also be lying if I didn't say that the entire visit was difficult for me. I am so happy for them, but to see them beginning their family, holding their little one and being so in love with their child, all I could think of is when will it be our turn.
I think of our adoption every day. Every single day, several times a day. And lately the "when it happens" has been turning into "will it ever happen." Every day a little bit of me is discouraged and disheartened. Every day I feel a little less. I want this so much and there is nothing I can do but wait. And waiting sucks.
Hang in there. Yep. It's excruciating, for sure.
ReplyDeleteA child will be very very lucky to call you mommy someday.
Often I wonder if we did the right thing as well--sometimes (definitely not always) domestics are easy-peasy and fast. It's so hard that things have slowed so very much, and it is definitely possible to feel envious and happy for someone at the same time. I'm sorry you're feeling badly and wish with all my heart that this was easier. Waiting sucks.
ReplyDeleteTheresa, I totally feel your pain! Working in a high school, I see teenage girls who get pregnant and it frustrates me. Heck, in my one class that has 10 kids, 3 of them are already parents (2 of them are a couple so they are parents to the same child). But it just makes me wonder what the heck did we do to deserve this? And I wonder why the hell it just can't be easy. Sure, everyone says, "Oh you will get the child you were meant to have." But seriously?? Like if we got a referral earlier that kid wouldn't be the one we were "meant" to have?? Or people who seem to have no problem having 7 kids...like a lady I work with. And all you and I want is just ONE! And you are right. It sucks. And there is no other way to say it. It just sucks. I often wonder if sticking with international adoption is the right thing to do. But with my luck, we would do a domestic adoption, and the birth mother would decide to parent at the last minute. I just don't think I could deal with that.
ReplyDeleteSo what I'm saying is...I can totally relate. Everything you are feeling is totally normal. And you know you can vent to me any time! :-)