Update

So much has happened since last I shared

 

*Our homestudy agency is closing.  Guess the news that they were going to charge waiting families a monthly fee did not go over too well.  What that means for us is we have to start over at a new agency.  And our home study is due for an update.  The good news is our new agency will not charge us to do a whole new home study.  The bad news is that instead of merely updating forms, we have to fill out everything as if we were a new family.  But we are saving money which was really great on their part so the massive amount of paperwork is something we will just have to work through.

 

*Sent in our request to update our fingerprints.  And today marks 14 months of waiting.  NEVER EVER did I think we would still be waiting.  And waiting at #'s 25 for a Boy and 35 for a Girl.  I haven't posted our new waitlist numbers.  One month we moved back, and then there was a long stretch of no movement.  I'm not sure what to think.  The optimist in me wants so hard to believe we can move 25 spots in one year.  But the pessimist in me secretly believes that our time will never come.

 

*I am trying to keep myself distracted.  We are refinancing our house at a really great rate and using some of our equity to remodel a few things. So in addition to the adoption paperwork, I have refinancing paperwork and trying to keep the two straight is maddening.  I can feel the gray hairs growing.  But it is fun to plan new projects, to pick out new paint and tile and vanities. 

 

*We are planning another vacation.  I looked at the list, checked it twice, and unless a miracle occurs, I figured there is no way we would be traveling much less receive a referral by early summer. So we are going to Peru! We figured we needed to make the trip before we are too old to hike Machu Picchu.

 

*And on the topic of age.....I constantly wonder what if our time is passing.  What if our window for becoming parents is closing.  Then what?  How do you know when it is time to let go?  Maybe some women are not destined to be mothers.  Maybe I was destined to be a really great aunt. 

 

I'm wrestling with a lot of feelings lately.  I know I've been a bad blogger and I know I haven't commented or been very supportive to those of you that are also on this journey.  I apologize.  I'm just working through a difficult time.

 

 

Fortunately, I have a great support system.

 

 

 

Merry Christmas!

Hope all of you have a wonderful holiday!  We are off to grandma's house where twin beds, one bathroom and a fireplace that heats the house to a cozy 105 degrees await us. 

No Friggin' Way

There are days that I feel like this whole process is crappy.   And today is one of them.  Such a rush of emotions as I sit here wondering how much longer is this going to take.  And the other question pops up quite a bit too.  What if it doesn’t happen? 

Our agency has come to almost a complete standstill with referrals.  And although our official numbers are in the high 20’s, that doesn’t give me any confidence that we will have a referral in the next year.  And it appears our agency has increased average wait times to 24 months.  So while that does put us on track for receiving a referral next year (2 year date in November), the pessimist in me whispers that those anticipated wait times are on the low side of the actual wait.

Oh another question comes to mind.  How much longer can I go on?

The investment in this process – not just the money, but the emotions, has been overwhelming at times.  All I want is one child.  One chance to be a mother.  Is that so much to ask for? 

What precipitated this pity party?  Got a lovely letter yesterday from our local home study agency.  They have decided to impose a monthly administrative fee of $125 on waiting families.  This charge will continue until you are home with your child.  If you don’t pay, they will close your file and/or discontinue working with you.  Is it just me or is that a bit coercive?  Either you pay or you have to start over with another local agency.  And there is nothing about them refunding costs we have already paid to cover post placement reports and validation/finalization of the adoption.

It stinks.  And of course it got me to thinking, how much longer.  A year for a referral?  4-6 months to bring our child home?  Do you realize how much money that comes out to?  I’d rather spend that money on donations for our child’s orphanage than to give it to an agency that apparently operated on the assumption that all adoptions would be complete (yes court and all) within 12 months (that’s what they say in the letter).

What planet have they been on?  Seriously – wait times for Chinese adoption have been years for as long as I can remember.  When we signed on with them – oh and I might as well name them such is my fury at Adoption Alliance in Colorado- when we signed on they did everything they could to encourage us NOT to sign with AGCI and to sign with another placement agency.  Why is that significant?  Because at the time their recommended agency had a two year wait.  So their justification for this “administrative” fee (adoptions are taking too long to complete we could not have anticipated this) is just an excuse.  That is a lot of money for families to pay each month for “administrative” costs.   

But they were ever so gracious to include a contractual addendum along with their letter.  Sign and return they say agreeing to pay this new fee or else we will close your case.  Why would I sign this?  I know enough about contract law to recognize when something isn’t right. 

Oh and I didn’t mention the perfect timing of this letter.  We have to begin updating our home study next month. So we need to make some decisions.  Don’t pay and risk our file being closed.  Will that hurt us when we receive a referral and need to have our social worker sign it?  File a complaint with some entity.  Go to another agency to complete our home study update and ask that Adoption Alliance refund what we have paid them to prepare our post placement reports and validate/finalize the adoption.  Or ….?? Any suggestions.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!

We're taking a trip this holiday.  Not to visit family, just a vacation for the two of us.  Last year I thought the Christmas cruise would be our last "just the two of us" vacation and this year we would at least be planning our travels to Africa.  Silly me. 

Anyway, hoping our travels are smooth and the weather is fine.  I would hate to end up stranded somewhere like these two.

Anyone remember this classic exchange:


Neal: Del... Why did you kiss my ear?
Del:  Why are you holding my hand?
Neal: Where's your other hand?
Del: Between two pillows...
Neal: Those aren't pillows!

No matter where we celebrate this holiday, we are continually thankful to have each other, our families, our furbabies and friends.  Especially the friends we have met along this journey who just get "it" and understand our pendulum mood swings.

And Anne - He is beautiful and he is home.  No other Thanksgiving will top this one. 

How do you Measure a Year?

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Moments so dear
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure - Measure A Year?
In Daylights - In Sunsets
In Midnights - In Cups Of Coffee
In Inches - In Miles
In Laughter - In Strife

One year ago today we were officially added to our agency's waitlist. 

So how do we measure the last year?

In the number of places we have moved on the waitlist?  (Down 40 on the boys' list and 57 on the girls' list)

In the number of times I have thought about our child? (too many to count)

In the number of times I have doubted whether this will finally happen? (see answer above)

In plans made?  In wait times that have increased? In changes to the program?  In times I have despaired?

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure - Measure A Year?
In Referrals - In Movement
In Changes in wait times
In Sorrows - In Prayers
In Strength- In Faith

I"m not sure how I will measure this next coming year.  But I hope to measure it
in smiles (my child's),
in miles (the journey to Ethiopia),
in joy and in blessings. 

Are You Gonna Eat Those Tots?

Yes, I am married to Napoleon Dynamite's doppelganger.   We had a great time this last weekend at a Halloween party.  And the hubby wowed everyone with his sweet dance moves.

 I insisted the hubby was such a natural born Napoleon (complete with nunchuck skills) that he needed to dress up to hand out candy. Of course he couldn't just hand out candy, he had to ask each kid whether they were gonna eat their tots, if they were going to vote for Pedro and if they did all their dreams would come true. The parents and older kids loved him.  The younger kids were either thinking this is what my parents meant when they taught me stranger danger or this is where the neighborhood dweeb lives. 

I love Halloween.  Hands down my favorite day.  There is the dressing up aspect which never gets old.

The kids, the candy, the Great Pumpkin.

My favorite costume of the night was a little boy about 3 years old dressed as Darth Vader.  Yup.  I can already see my husband dressed as Chewbacca leading our own little Darth around the neighborhood some day. 

3 Years Ago....

Happy Anniversary to us!